Discovering Gender Queer: A Memoir
Until just a day and a half ago, I knew nothing about Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kobabe. Now, I feel like I’ve been on a road trip with a new friend.
Why I Said Yes to Pride
At a recent happy hour, I told my friend Jeremy that I’d just been appointed to the board of my local Pride nonprofit. Knowing how busy I always am, he asked:
“Why add this to your plate?”
I felt a small cringe—wondering if Pride might make him uncomfortable. But instead of defensiveness, I answered honestly:
“Because I’m an ally, through and through. And because a gender-diverse family member recently came into my life, and I want to do everything I can to help them feel loved and accepted.”
Jeremy smiled. “Then I have a graphic novel for you.”
A Book That Found Me
Two days later, he handed me the book. “Return it, or pass it on.”
That Friday night, after dinner, I curled up on the couch and opened it. Hours later, I was halfway through—completely absorbed.
The cover intrigued me: a Stonewall Honor Book emblem and an image of what looked like a boy gazing into a river. But the author’s name was Maia. And it was an autobiography. Already, my assumptions were being stretched.
Reading Maia’s Journey
The story unfolded through Maia’s heartfelt words and tender illustrations.
“The book is unassuming, yet powerful—lovely in its quiet truth.”
Instead of the Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret acceptance at the arrival of boobs and periods, I learned a new perspective about the challenges of growing up with periods, navigating pap smears, dating, and the immense courage it takes to ask others to use the pronouns and names that feel true.
Why It Resonated With Me
Decades ago, my own master’s thesis explored identity formation in young adult books. Really, though, it was my way of exploring my identity as a biracial girl constantly mistaken for white.
So when Maia described the discomfort of being called “girl” or “lady,” I felt it. When her parents struggled to understand her identity, I longed for them to get it. And when her aunt brushed off pronouns, I shared Maia’s frustration.
Pronouns. I admit the English major, grammar-freak in me didn’t want to refer to a singular person with a plural pronoun. I felt my brain twist before I could match the pronoun to the verb before I spoke. And then I read A Quick & Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns by Archie Bongiovanni (Author, Illustrator) and Tristan Jimerson (Author) and I’ve never has a brain-twist since.
Using proper pronouns is a show of respect, and as important as calling someone by their name. As a Catherine, when my family moved six weeks into seventh grade, my new classmates started calling me Cathy. I had never been called Cathy and it wasn’t just an abbreviation to me…it was simply not my name. I was an extremely shy, round-faced, frizzy-haired girl and it took every bit of courage I could muster to say, “It’s Catherine,” after weeks of cringing when I heard Cathy.
Pronouns are the same as proper names.
What I Realized.
I’ve never known anyone closely who identifies as nonbinary. I’ve had queer and asexual friends, and though I’ve always respected and accepted them fully, I often wasn’t sure what to ask—or if asking would intrude.
Reading Maia’s memoir shifted something in me:
“I don’t need to know someone’s history to accept them. I just need to accept them.”
Gratitude for Courage
Maia Kobabe—whose pronouns are e, em, eir—has courageously shared eir self with the world.
And because of that, my heart and my understanding have expanded.
Your Turn
Books like this remind me why stories matter: they change us, expand us, and teach us how to love more fully.
If you’ve never read a story outside your own lived experience, let Gender Queer be your starting point. Read it. Share it. Let it open new paths in your thinking. And most importantly, let it remind you that acceptance doesn’t require explanation—it simply requires love.
Catherine M. Greenspan is an acclaimed author, editor, and co-founder of Two Sisters Writing & Publishing. She holds a Master of Arts degree in Writing from the University of San Francisco and a Bachelor of Arts degree in English Literature from the University of Michigan, and has earned a Certificate in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages via the University of Cambridge. A past recipient of writing grants from the Sierra Arts Foundation and the Nevada Arts Council, Catherine has built an impressive career as a freelance writer and editor, with credits spanning cover stories, features, book reviews, and an interview with Nobel Prize–winning playwright Wole Soyinka. She is the author of the beloved Young Adult series The Veronica Series, and together with her sister Elizabeth Ann Atkins has written and published over 60 books — championing diverse voices and empowering writers around the world.